Saturday, August 8, 2009


So, I thought I should FINALLY put an update on here. Lots has happened since the last time I updated and I might as well put it out there.
Right now I am officially a stay-at-home mom (until I can find another job). I actually love being home with my kids. It seems our household runs better and is more organized with me home all the time. Since I stopped working I've been able to clean and organize our rooms and this weekend we are even holding a garage sale! I painted Elliots bedroom from a seahawks theme to blue paint with a cute sports border. I made myself a goal that I would do that no matter last week, while it was a chilly 107 degrees outside, I cleaned out and painted Elliots room! Yes, I was a bit crazy! I wanted to get it done though and I did. I swear I could have lost about 10 pounds of sweat! Oh, did I tell you, we dont have air conditioning?
I guess I should write about my job and why I'm no longer working. I really like that job-or most parts of it. There were some areas that I was good in and then there were other areas that I was struggling in for WAY too long. I'm not sure why and I find myself very disappointed in myself because in the past, every job I've had I've always done well at. Also, I was having some MAJOR anxiety issues! In the past during certain things I would get nervous but nothing like I was having with this job. My stomach was often upset, I would be shaky and even started having chest pains. This job totally consumed my life. Even on my days off I would think and worry about the job. I knew things werent going well, and one Thursday, I pulled into work and saw my two supervisors cars and my trainers car there already. I had that sick feeling I was often getting while thinking of workp-this time it was even worse. I knew when I walked in they would all be in a meeting with the Operations Manager. I went to my console and started getting ready for my shift and after a few minutes they all came out.....then it was my turn. He asked to see me for a couple of minutes and when I sat down he asked how I was doing and feeling about how things were going. I couldnt talk and broke down.....I was so determined not to cry but I couldnt help it. We talked for about an hour and came up with a plan. I was going to take a couple of administrative days off and think about whether or not I want to come back-if I did, I had two weeks to get to where I need to be. I decided to go back on Saturday-my anxiety was so bad I almost didnt make it through the day but I finished my whole shift. The next morning we went to church and things got much worse-my chest was so tight, I could hardly take a deep breath, I couldnt talk or else I'd break down again-my stomach hurt really bad and I was shaky again. So, Bill and I talked and we decided I couldnt do this anymore. It wasnt really worth my health. I really dont regret leaving, but I do regret not being able to do the job. I wanted to succeed -it's a cool job. I also dont understand where this anxiety reaction came from?! It's not me.
Anyway, now that I'm not working I feel back to normal. I do think I made the right decision-now we just have to figure out what to do. Unless Bill were to cash out his 401K, we cant live on only one income. I need to find a job-but am not feeling so motivated to do so. I really like being home and the boys like it fact, they want me to homeschool them-which I am totally up for if I knew I was going to stay home all the time. We need some guidance-should we try and sell our house? Is there anything else we can do so I can stay home? If you could be praying with and for us we would really appreciate it!
Now, I need to get ready for another day of our garage sale!!

1 comment:

mholgate said...

Stephanie, I will definitely be praying for you guys. It sounds like you did the right thing to step down. Sometimes the Lord uses physical symptoms to get His message across to us. Don't beat yourself up about it. He will provide the right job for you, or provide a way for you to stay home.

Love you and praying for you!